Hard to write

There are so many reasons why it is more difficult to write right now.

The main one is that I have no time. The second one is that I am really tired (again). The third one is that I want to spend every waking moment with my family, while I can still talk to them, eat with them, play with them, laugh with them.

I think that my last post was just after the appointment on Wednesday at the hospital. Since then I have had more advice on what is coming and how to deal with it. I have also had time to cogitate a little and to have some (more) bad dreams.

Hmmm – now I feel ready to say that I believe it is pointless to anticipate too much: the operation will probably be completely different from what I am (overfeverishly) imagining – when I can’t keep my thoughts under control. Also, the time afterwards, when I am still on the ward, will probably also be the opposite of what I am expecting.

So, I shall attempt not to imagine. (Tough one, that.)

Thank God, life at home has been great since the last hospital visit, so I feel quite well equipped to deal with tomorrow (GP to get an Überweisung /referral to an internist and also to get a thorough blood check before the operation) and then with Tuesday and Wednesday as well. (Tuesday is school stuff for Little Miss BD and Wednesday, I am back at the hospital:)

The energy I get from home is worth more than something very valuable – it is self-propelling energy which comes right back at me. Pow! Like a Batman punch. It wakes me up again and reminds me to exude and enjoy. If I didn’t have my kids and my man, there would only be the hole that is my soul.

Poisonous green liqueur
Poisonous-looking green walnut liqueur many months too early (Nocino)

Look at this! Hubby is on his mission to make an even better evil-looking green walnut liqueur than last year! I don’t really mind how this one turns out – it’ll be good even without all his anxiety about the correct day to harvest, the correct place to store, the correct length of time to stand and mature and and and…

As long as he carries on experimenting, there’ll be some gems for me amongst his inventions (Apple Strudel liqueur and Spiced Plum Compote with Chocolate Gingerbread liqueur being two of his notable successes) – yum yum!

Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite.

Where was Mr Surgeon?

Yesterday was my long-awaited pre-op check-up ‘have you got enough gaps in your mouth?’ appointment at the hospital. I had a slot at 10am, but my first staff contact was at 10:40 with a radiologist, who gleefully informed me that I was only the second person she had ever seen in her many years of service who had such an open bite (of course, I couldn’t bite onto the grips of the X-ray machines). ‘How can you manage?’ ‘Well, I’m 44 and I’ve managed so far…’

Finally I got into the consulting room and – Mr Surgeon was nowhere to be seen! Only his crack team of (all-female) doctors. Oh!

It unnerved me slightly, but they are all very clued-up with my case and got started on me straightaway. I had current casts done as well as some impressions of my bite.

Due to my extremely poor occlusion, when I was supposed to bite down on the wax to make the impression, there were not enough impressions for the surgical team’s liking. We tried twice. After some confabulation, they came at me with a huge gun (looked like the ones you use to squirt the grouting in between the tiles when you are DIYing) and deposited large amounts of silicone in my mouth. Then we waited (me with trepidation, them with small talk abounding) and luckily that seemed to work.

The last step was to measure my skull with a scary-looking metal instrument which poked at me all over my head and measured distances between my ears, nose, forehead and chin. I felt like a specimen in a museum of natural history.

(As it is getting too late, I shall break off tonight and continue tomorrow…)

Picture of the day is ripening blueberries in our garden: